Life and Times of Cadet Toyoda Vol. 3

Lately ROTC has gotten to me. I figured it would be so cool to represent the Army by wearing those cool digital ACU uniforms. But in all honesty I feel like a number. Sure I'm different only to the "civilians" because they aren't wearing ACU's. But when I'm with the other cadets I don't feel like myself. Like I'm a whole another person.

You see the Army is like a typical religion. There are dogmas you are encouraged follow such as the Soldier's creed:

I am an American Soldier.

I am a Warrior and a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.

I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and I am a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

And like any other religion there is rules and regulations that you must follow. Now I would post the decrees but its about 10x's longer than the Soldiers Creed. Don't get me wrong I don't mind the yelling and the whole "breaking you down to build you back up". I had plenty of that shit at home. Especially living with a latina mother. I certainly don't mind the physical challenge either. In fact I love it.

I'm fine mentally and great physically. It just emotionally. This "religion" that I am a part of is like a prison. I'm not used following religion or rules. Just do whatever you want as long it doesn't bother others or yourself and to love others.

Dancing, fighting, and music (odd combination... I know) makes up my life. Those three things are who I am. I live a breath those things. Its Sarah. Dancing is my creativity, expression, my craziness. Fighting flows through my blood because my ancestors were samurai (no joke), it allows me to vent and show my true colors. Music is my soul. That's all there is to it. People identify me by this.

But under that uniform I'm Toyoda. I feel the metamorphosis as I put each heavy boot on. The belt, the jacket even tying the bun. Then its back to being a number. Nothing unique. Nothing significant. Just another lonely soldier in the battlefield.

This is the life I have chosen. And I'm going to accept that. I want to carry that weight all by myself. Its going to make me a stronger person in the end. I have a destination to get to, after all this. What kind of person would I be if I were to bail or complained and moaned all the way? Though I am the same under the uniform I will not be a number.